Patrick Christys: A fuel crisis is answering the question of how many idiots there are in Britain

Patrick Christys
Patrick Christys

'If you’re filling up a plastic bag full of petrol at a forecourt in Nuneaton, or a water bottle full of diesel in Slough, you’re an idiot.'


There’s a great national experiment taking place right now – we have a census every 10 years, we occasionally have a referendum, and every few years we have a general election.

Right now, a fuel crisis is answering this question - how many idiots are there in Britain?

If you’re filling up a plastic bag full of petrol at a forecourt in Nuneaton, or a water bottle full of diesel in Slough, you’re an idiot.

If you’re so worked up about this totally man made fuel crisis that you’re brandishing a knife at a petrol station, or fighting someone outside an Esso, you’re an idiot.

I love the British public, I really do, but goodness me ladies and gentlemen there may not be a fuel crisis but there is a common sense crisis out there at the moment, isn’t there?

And the reason why I’m calling it out is because it’s actually affecting the country as a whole now.

We’re seeing headlines today – the army’s been called in to help deliver fuel. I mean, that in itself is ok, it’s not as if they’ve got their hands full in Kabul anymore is it?

But the other headlines are about whether or not key workers should get priority access to fuel.

Well, I think yes, they obviously should. But this shouldn’t be a question! They shouldn’t need priority access because there shouldn’t be a crisis.

Let’s have a look at some of the key industries that are being affected by this lunacy.

The British Medical Association is saying that medical staff are struggling to get into work. I mean, many of you may be wondering if GPs have had their own fuel shortage for the last year or so because they’ve struggled to get into work for a while now, but leaving that to one side – medical professionals are struggling to get into work. So people might die.

The Police Federation is reporting that officers are being taken off the beat to monitor incidents at petrol stations to ‘ensure people behave sensibly’. These police officers should be out fighting knife crime, county lines gangs, sexual predators, murderers, or at the very least painting their cars with a rainbow flag and doing a funky dance on TikTok.

Homecare workers can’t get to see vulnerable people who need looking after, according to the HomeCare Association. So the most vulnerable in society are essentially being stranded at home without the care they desperately need.

Teachers are apparently struggling to get to school, although that’s presumably quite good news for their unions who don’t really want them to be there anyway.

So schools might shut. The knock on effect of that is how do people arrange child care at short notice? Bring your child to work day may become a very real thing.

But arguably the issue closest to my heart – the meat industry is being impacted. And when these mugs at petrol stations come between me and prime slab of fillet steak we’re going to have a big problem.

The British Meat Processors Association is saying their inspectors and vets may start to have problems getting to sites and if we get down to brass tax on this ladies and gentlemen, frankly, that means less bacon – and that’s where I draw the line.

Who is to blame for all this?

Huge swathes of the media... which is why I’m trying to do my bit to tell everyone to just flipping stop panicking, you’ve got the Road Haulage Association and their anti-Brexit agenda, you’ve got an element of government incompetence with the lack of tests for new HGV drivers…but ultimately it’s us, the people, who are in control of this.

We have the power to end the fuel crisis, by just not causing one. In this great national experiment to determine who’s got their head screwed on, and who’s a total idiot, don’t be an idiot.