Prince Charles is a monstrous carbuncle, why don’t you accommodate migrants in your mansions Chaz? asks Mark Dolan

Mark Dolan
Mark Dolan

What a right, royal mess.


What a right, royal mess. Just a week ago, I was on the national television airwaves, berating Prince William, for his eco-sermon, at the Queens Jubilee celebrations. Well, another week, and another top royal, makes things political. This time, it's the green-fingered, architecture-hating, adulterous crank Prince Charles.

This pompous climate change hypocrite, who loves a private jet, has been privately complaining, about the government's policy, of processing illegal asylum applications in Rwanda, calling them “appalling”.

Yesterday it was the producers of obesity-making toxic slurry, sorry I mean ice cream, Ben & Jerry's. And what Prince Charles knows about the U.K.'s border policy, is about as insightful, as Tom and Jerry. I wish somebody would snap him in a trap, so we could be DONE with him.

This latest intervention, takes the cheese. I couldn't have been more proud, to have been on air, covering the Queens Jubilee celebrations last weekend. And the great legacy of Elizabeth has been her dignity, her integrity and her neutrality. I like this quote from the guardian’s Zoe Williams.

“Today, in an age where permanently having an opinion is fetishised, the Queen is perhaps the last person whose opinions remain sacredly unknown”.

Those were the days. So, last week William a multimillionaire, with a carbon footprint, the size of Texas, was lecturing Brits about the environment, at a time when millions in this country, can’t afford to heat their homes, or fill their cars with fuel. Not helped by William’s doubtless beloved green taxes. Let them eat cake, and let them pay more at the pump.

And now Prince Charles, a man who owns six houses, enjoys opulent, private transport, boasts wardrobes of Savile Row suits and enjoys a coterie of devoted staff, wants to have his two pennies worth, about our border policy and government attempts, to tackle the evil business model of these gangsters, who are effectively, modern day slavers, or worse.

How dare this man, unelected, and accountable, to no one, and purely there by accident of birth, stray into this territory. Not so “bonnie prince Charlie”, is someone, who will never feel the consequences - societal or economic - of unchecked, illegal migration. I’ll all for migration – we have always been a welcoming and generous country - but it’s got to be done properly and within the law.

I know the Rwanda plan is not everyone's cup of tea and who knows if it will work. But if you are willing to stand by, and allow this humanitarian crisis to play out, as it is on the channel every day, if you're willing to stand by, and prop up the effective sale of human souls, via criminal gangs, if you're happy to tolerate the daily, ritualistic breaking of the law – these crossings are illegal – that's what I call, “appalling”. Not satisfied with pestering government

ministers, about any number of his pet projects, or interfering with modern British architecture, I think it's Prince Charles, who is turning out to be a monstrous carbuncle. Why don’t you accommodate migrants in some of your mansions Chaz? One of your massive, marble bathrooms – paid for by us – could probably accommodate, a family of four. That’s what I call, a Royal flush.

Who gives a damn, about the opinions, of someone, simply lucky enough, to have been conceived in the right womb. Read the womb Chaz. And stay in your lane. The Rwanda plan, might be a terrible idea, it might be great. You tell me. But it's not for the pompous Prince, to comment. And by the way, there may be some unconscious racism, among those criticising, the Rwanda plan. What's wrong, with Rwanda? Is it a terrible hellhole?

No, it’s a modern, thriving African democracy. In fact, the visit Rwanda campaign is adorned on the shirts of Arsenal players, in the Premier League, for which the Gunners receive millions.

I wonder, whether there would be such prejudice, if asylum claims, were being processed in Monaco, California or the Maldives? Or what about Spain, where the first ever woke US president, Joe Biden is considering, processing illegal US asylum claims.

What, Joe Biden wants to process, illegal migrants, overseas too? Say it isn’t do. In the end, Prince Charles has proved, himself to be a right Charlie. The role of the royals, is to open supermarkets, and hospital wings, to kiss babies, and to receive bouquets of flowers.

Their job, is to represent us abroad, pose for photos and fly the flag, for UK plc. Nice work if you can get it - not a bad living. Their job is NOT, to get involved in politics, even if it's from remarks, the palace are now trying to disown, by saying he remains “neutral”. Tellingly, the palace have NOT denied, that those, are his views. I’m a big fan of the royal family and I’m willing to give Charles a chance. Of course I am. And for me, having a monarchy, is a typically British idea - slightly bonkers on paper, but it works. And I love tradition. I love the pomp, and ceremony, and I love the Queen. But having had a brief preview, of our next head of state, I don't much like the LOOK of king Charles, the moaning Monarch, the cantankerous crown, the campaigning King.

And if this intervention, is the shape of things to come, count me out. It’s a king size mistake. I believe the public, even rabid monarchists, who have still got their Charles and Diana tea towels, won’t take kindly to being lectured, by arguably the most privileged man, in Britain. If we are going to have a more political, more woke, more divisive monarchy, on that sad day when we lose the Queen, then with her, will go the whole project itself.

Not straight away, but over time. If Charles, and indeed William, persist with these political interventions, I will personally campaign, for this country, to become a republic.

When Charles inherits the throne, he needs to know, that he’s inheriting a great institution, but a fragile one too.

An institution, delicately based, on public support and consent. And if he keeps being this political, and poking his nose into all aspects of government policy, King Charles, can King do one.